Daily Reminder #2: Environment
Who you spend your time around matters
Reflecting on my adult life that spans over a decade now*, it’s clear the profound impact my environment has on my life. Specifically, the people I choose to spend my time around. And that’s the first point: it’s a choice. Whether actively or passively, you select who receives your time. Like it or hate it, who you work with is your choice. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose to spend less time around Cousin Jenny.^ And this choice is going to guide your life in all kinds of ways you’re largely unaware of.
Here’s the second point: if you’re unsure whether someone contributes positively or negatively to your life, they contribute negatively. It’s that simple. Giving some brownie points to your intuition here, if you dread spending time with someone, maybe it’s time to spend less time with them. Of course there’s always exceptions, which brings me to…
Third point: it’s nuanced and complicated and contradictory, just like life. I love the line When a friend makes a mistake, the friend is still a friend and the mistake is still a mistake. Two things can be true at once. I like to think grander scale - am I better in 5 years by being around this person? And the more pressing question: is this person better in 5 years by being around me?
Fourth Point: Leaving people you’re comfortable around is scary. And difficult. And you shouldn’t expect anything less. This is the cost of doing business.^^ But it’s a short term sacrifice for a long term gain.
Fifth Point: “But you’re learning so much about what not to do!” is a god-awful rationalization for spending more time with losers. This is a theoretical response to a real-life situation and though, yes it’s true, it doesn’t solve for the fact that you are experiencing real changes at the hands of the people you’re around. Consciously and subconsciously. If you’ve ever had a stress dream involving a challenging boss you know this to be true. You don’t need to learn the “what not to do” lesson over and over again. It’s a shame to wake up five years down the line and realize you are fundamentally a different person than you were five years ago (not in a good way).
The final point is life can be so challenging sometimes!*^ Be a cheerleader for others and seek out people that do the same for you. Whatever you want most (and think long and hard on this), find people going after the same. You’ve probably heard the crabs in a bucket metaphor - when one crab tries to escape the bucket the others pull him back down. You’ve also probably read The Giving Tree. The tree gave everything to the little boy so he could flourish. Giving Trees > crabs 😂
*Fuck!
^Cousin Jenny is a metaphor for tainted family Thanksgivings and the low-grade angst you experience every time they call/text. “What now?”
^^The business of having HUGE ENERGY
*^ Paging Captain Obvious. Captain Obvious, report to the poopdeck!
